You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
