Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
