Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
