are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
