Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
