Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
