3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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