I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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