Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
