He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
