I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
