I wanna passion pit in your ass
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
