He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
