I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
