Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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