Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
