sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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