your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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