There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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