no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
