it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
