i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
