My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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