ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How does one acquire holy water?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
