I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
