What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
