Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
