Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
