Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
porn star boner night. come get it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
