Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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