dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
