come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
