I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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