OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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