My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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