Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Let's paint friendship bongs
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
