I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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