Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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