I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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