Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
