When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
