I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
is it fun? or sober?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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