Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
