Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
