I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
