my phone needs a breathalizer
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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