he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
