I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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