i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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