When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
