Princesses don't give blow jobs
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
