I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
