Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Small penises have feelings too.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
