if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
zippers are such a cool invention
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
