why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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