had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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