did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
