You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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