Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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