What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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