My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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