i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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