I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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