yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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