fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo