so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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