Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.