Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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