it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.