you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving