Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.