I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
