It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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