I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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