just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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