There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
