My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
