i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
