you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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