Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
